The Last Will and Testament of Benjamin Deeb

I, Benjamin Nicklin Deeb, resident in the City of Los Angeles, State of California being of sound mind, not acting under duress or undue influence, and fully understanding the nature and extent of all my property and of this disposition thereof, do hereby make, publish, and declare this document to be my Last Will and Testament, and hereby revoke any and all other wills and codicils heretofore made by me.

I also acknowledge that this document is publicly editable, and any wacko can make a change to it at any time. The document on this website (BenDeeb.com/wikiwill) will also be printed, witnessed, and signed periodically to make sure it's actually legally binding.

To my best friend, spiritual leader, and personal physician, BRIAN GREGORY FLYNN, I hereby bequeath all my intellectual property, writings, scripts, ideas, pornography, and ultra-rare "hyperpornography". In addition, FLYNN shall receive all books and literature that I used to decorate my apartment to make it seem like I was cool and well-read. Furthermore, he ("FLYNN") shall also receive my computer hard drive as well as any cloud-based files, photos, banking information, and super secrets I have.

To GRAHAM TRAVIS TOWERS, I leave everything I just said that I was leaving to the person in the previous paragraph, who (it is widely known) cannot truly read, but merely scans for his own name. Furthermore, immediately upon my death, I bequeath to TOWERS the responsibility of planning and emceeing my FRESH CORPSE "PRIMA NOCTA" PUBLIC AUCTION, an event that will be as groundbreaking as it is self-explanatory. In return for his services in this matter, TOWERS shall receive all proceeds from the auction as well as a commemorative novelty "tee" shirt that reads "MY BEST FRIEND DIED, AND ALL I GOT WAS HIS WORLDLY POSSESSIONS, THE RESPONSIBILITY OF AUCTIONING OFF THE POSSIBILITY OF NECROPHILIA, AND THIS T-SHIRT".

To my boat lover, ANDREW GLENN HUNTER, I hereby guarantee and commit the full legal ownership and possession of the face, voice, fiduciary profits, citizenship and physical personhood of ERICH LANE (Hand Actor). This shall include both hands (left and right) and connected or associated body portions and organs herewith. HUNTER shall retain the right to dispose of this property at his discretion. Also waived, in respect to this agreement, are LANE’S right to dispute or enter into arbitration on said agreement until death do us part. Upon the event of LANE’S death as it may proceed HUNTER’S, compensatory monies shall be dispensed by LANE’S family to account for any lost time and profits to HUNTER. I also bequeath to HUNTER one of the Ns, two of the Es, and one of the Bs from my own name as a little pre-death bonus. My new designation is hereby ENJAMI DB, and HUNTER is hereby ANDREW GLEEENNN HUNTERB.

My beautiful partner, KAYLA KLEIN, is a brilliant, wonderful person, who is a complete human being, is in charge of her own destiny, and maintains all of her agency. Nevertheless I leave her to ALYSSA GJEDSTED.

To my friend DANA BARNES, I hereby leave to her dog MURPHY MUSHMAN any food in my house at the exact timestamp of my death. Even if it is edible to my partner, family, or friends they must CEASE any consumption or maceration of any and all kinds under penalty of 1 Greenie (TM) per ounce of food intake.

Be it hereby declared and directed as a condition precedent to the distribution of any inheritance devised to GRAHAM TOWERS under this instrument: GRAHAM TOWERS shall, at the funeral service of the undersigned, perform the musical composition “Beautiful Boy” by John Lennon, rendered in the stylistic manner and vocal characterization of actor Richard Dreyfuss as portrayed in the motion picture Mr. Holland’s Opus. Said performance shall be accompanied in its entirety by a complete American Sign Language (ASL) translation. In the event that GRAHAM TOWERS fails, refuses, objects to, or otherwise expresses dissent, discontent, or general noncompliance with this directive—including but not limited to failure to perform as described, failure to provide ASL translation, or exhibition of any behavior reasonably construed as "guff"—then all testamentary gifts, bequests, or devises otherwise intended for GRAHAM TOWERS shall be deemed forfeited and shall instead vest fully and irrevocably in BRIAN GREGORY FLYNN.

Consistent with well established precedent, my tombstone shall read as follows: “bAd BoYz LoVe BuZz BaLlZ” and bear the likeness of Romeo Gjedsted chugging a Four Loko. My name will appear only in Romeo’s lifelike portrait of his anus and read “Jamin Doob Was Here.”